An open letter to the jerk across the table.

Dear Jerk,

Recently, I had the “privilege” of sitting across from you at a dinner party. Since your wife and her children/grandchild were present it was a relatively comfortable, relaxed atmosphere. However, my presence sort of nudged our casual dinner into a zone called “mixed company.”

I’m not exactly sure if you were feeling the need to contribute to our conversation but I’m here to tell you, your comments offend me. 

In your lengthy story about a woman at the hairdressers, I actually thought you had a point. A reason for telling the story. Little did I know that there would be a punchline and she would be the butt of your joke.

Going on and on about the woman who mentioned that it hurt to have her hair pulled through a frosting cap was enough. Sure, at that point your story was cute and I was thinking to myself, “that’s not even half of the crap women do to themselves so men would consider them attractive.”  And I really thought that was the end of your story. But it wasn’t.


Then you said, “you know, she was so fat and clearly there would be no improvement in having her hair done. So why bother?”

Really? Really?

Being someone with tact and a fading “let you off the hook” attitude, it took everything in me not to reach across the table and choke you. Instead, I made an exaggerated, “WOW,” comment. Yes, you were correct to believe that the tone of my voice (and expression on my face) indicated you were lucky that’s all I was saying.

I mean who says that? Not to mention, you insulted EVERY woman in that room since we were all overweight. And I guess we wouldn’t want to discuss your overall roundness either, right?

And for the record, I might be overweight but I could run circles around you while you gasp for air.

But we don’t talk about men like that, do we? Never once have I been witness to a conversation where a man was devalued due to his weight. Maybe we should start talking about YOU that way. Or would that not bother you? Maybe we could discuss your lack of equipment instead?

Would that make a difference?

I saw this video a few weeks ago and instantly, I fell in love. Rachel says, “I say I am fat. He says, No you’re beautiful. I wonder why I can’t be both…” That line really stuck with me because it’s true people like you make things very black and white. She was fat so clearly she shouldn’t have the right to have her hair done.

Here’s a thought, women don’t need a specific body type, weight, or size to get their f*cking hair done. And they certainly don’t need your approval. (Who are you again?) Women go to the salon to maintain their hair and feel better about themselves. They don’t need jerks like you judging them.

And next time you think it’s funny to demean every woman in the room (and everywhere else) because of your poor judgement on what it means to be a human, do us all a favor and shove some more food in your mouth – before I do it for you.


A woman who is losing patience with people like you.



Photo cred:


Posted by

Obstacle Course Racer. Business Owner. Parent and Ordinary Person. Learning to slow down & embrace the wild.

2 thoughts on “An open letter to the jerk across the table.


Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.